About Tom Pride

Sarcastic, cynical, petty, vindictive and paranoid. But apart from that .............

How The Gove Stole Summer (with apologies to Dr. Suess)

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How The Gove Stole Summer

In which Dr. Suess posthumously questions Michael Gove’s decision to abolish summer holidays for school children 

Every schoolchild in England liked summer a lot...
But the Gove, who lived in Westminster, did NOT!
The Gove hated summer! The whole summer season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, his shoes or his heart,
Gove stood there in July, watching school holidays start,
Staring down from his office with a sour, Govey frown,
At the happy boys and girls below in the town.
"They're happy and carefree!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is summer holidays! They're practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Gove fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop summer from coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew, all the children would wake,
Bright and early the next morning to a long summer break.

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing Gove hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And he knew all the children would play and be happy.
And they'd play! And be happy! Be HAPPY!
HAPPY! HAPPY!
They'd play games in the garden, and eat lots of tasty snacks,
Instead of doing tests, and going up chimney stacks,
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every schoolchild in England, the tall and the small,
Once summer vacation was fully in swing,
Would play and be happy and forget who was KING!
They'd play and forget HE was king! KING!
KING! KING!

And the more the Gove thought what summmer would bring,
The more the Gove thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, I've put up with being a nobody for so long till now!"
"I MUST stop this summer from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GOVE GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The GOVE laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick costume from parts of a goat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great GOVEY trick!"
"With these horns and these hooves, I look just like Old Nick!"

"All I need is a reason..." The Gove looked around.
But, since his reason was scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Gove? No! The Gove simply said,
"If I can't find a reason, I'll invent one instead!"
So he called his friend, Murdoch. And they made up some shit,
About selling off playing fields and being forced to permit 
The wholesale starvation and privatisation,
Of the nation's school buildings and state education.

Now I'm sorry this tale is so short and so snappy,
But unlike the original, this ending won't be so happy.
Because the GOVE isn't just a fictional monstrosity,
He's real flesh and blood, and full of pomposity,
So parents watch out! It's not just the summer vacation,
The GOVE'S out to get YOU - and your children's education!

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You can get Dr Seuss’s original version here:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

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Witches outraged at being compared to former prime minister Margaret Thatcher

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(satire – probably)

Witches across the country are expressing their outrage after left-wing critics of Baroness Thatcher – who died of a stroke last week at the age of 87 – have tried to compare them to the former prime minister.

One prominent witch explained the reasons why they have taken such offence at the comparison:

Under her premiership Margaret Thatcher was responsible for the break-up of communities right across the country, the loss of millions of jobs, three recessions, the sell-off of public utilities resulting in higher prices for gas, electricity and water, the criminalisation of homosexuality, higher rates of crime, the creation of a huge gap between the rich and the poor, outsourcing of health and education to the detriment of both, a massive polarisation of society, deregulation of the banks leading to the present economic crisis, the sinking of the Argentinian ship the General Belgrano while it was withdrawing from the combat zone resulting in the loss of 323 men, politicisation of the police, the widespread destruction of working people’s rights, destruction of the country’s manufacturing industries, higher imports, support for brutal dictatorships like Pol Pot, Apartheid and Pinochet, a massive rise in prices for public transport along with a corresponding reduction in quality of service, a massive loss of social housing, an increase in child poverty to one of the highest amongst industrialised nations, the poll tax, the worship of selfishness and materialism and last but not least she snatched milk from the mouths of school children.

We witches on the other hand just like to dance around fires, keep black cats and whiz about on a broomstick occasionally.

How fair is that?

 

In a related development, female dogs have also expressed displeasure at being compared to former prime ministers and politicians.

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Immigration bombshell: Cameron’s (very) secret deal to allow a flood of cheap labour from India

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(not satire)

With opinion polls showing immigration – rightly or wrongly – the number one concern of voters, and with UKIP snapping at the heels of David Cameron,  you can only imagine how damaging it would be if the fact were ever to come out that the prime minister has secretly agreed to a flood of cheap labour from India into the UK.

Well, the fact is, he has.

And that’s probably why he and his media friends have been keeping really really quiet about it.

Here’s a question for you. What was the purpose of David Cameron’s recent trip to India?

Bilateral trade you might well say. After all, that was how it was spun in the UK media.

In India however, the truth is somewhat easier to find.

The main purpose of the trip was actually to boost completion of the EU/India Free Trade Agreement.

India’s sole demand in this agreement is that the EU allows Indian companies to supply cheap temporary labour into the EU – approximately 85% of which would be to the UK.

The Coalition will argue in its defence that the UK now has an ‘immigration cap’.

However, the government has excluded temporary workers from the cap and the trade agreement with India allows specifically for temporary workers to come to the UK.

Temporary? How temporary? Well, the UK government has stipulated that ‘temporary’ can be as long as 9-10 years.

Cameron may well also argue that the agreement only allows for ‘graduates’ or ‘students’ to work in the UK.

But what he won’t tell you is that the ‘graduates’ and ‘students’ only need to be classed as that status in India. In the UK they could take any jobs from factory workers and care assistants to doctors, teachers and accountants.

And finally the government will argue that there are restrictions on the numbers of certain kinds of workers who will be allowed into the UK.

What they won’t tell you is that there are no restrictions on the overall number of Indian workers who will be allowed into the UK.

For a more detailed analysis of the trade agreement and what it will mean for the UK, have a look at this excellent article here:

What was the real purpose of David Cameron’s visit to India?

The truth is, Cameron knows full well that this flood of cheap labour from India is sure to put a strain on employment, housing, health and public services in the UK as well as driving down wages and working conditions.

Of course, as long as this immigration bombshell is kept secret from the UK electorate, Cameron is counting on the effects of the agreement only being noticed well after the next election in 2015, by which time he’s hoping he will be in power for another 5 years anyway.

And needless to say, if this information were ever to get out – it would have a devastating effect on Cameron’s chances of winning the next election.

So best keep it to ourselves then, hadn’t we?

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Remarkable proof the horsemeat scandal – and cover-up – goes back to 1948!

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(not satire – it’s UK today! And yesterday. And the day before that.)

You probably thought the scandal of horsemeat secretly being used in place of beef is a modern phenomenon.

So did I.

But here’s a Pathe report which shows just how long the scandal has been going on in the UK – since 1948:

BRITISH PATHE – The Horsemeat Scandal 1948

As the Pathe man says in the news report:

Public feeling grows against the sinister trade. The country demands action ……..

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And the country’s still waiting for action. And waiting.

It seems the longer this government’s in power – the further back in time they’re sending us.

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Related posts:

The horse meat scandal – our food culture is to blame

Why Barclays and Co “can’t get no satisfaction” from food speculation.

Is Cameron’s Hunger Summit just a good photo opportunity?

Big finance and the great sell-off of ‘our’ natural assets.

It’s not the Left that believes in Magic Money Trees. It’s the Right.

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(it’s not satire – it’s the surreal world of banking)

Very often some people on the Right who are less intelligent – or to be more charitable less well-informed – say the reason many on the Left are against the government’s austerity measures is because they believe money grows on ‘Magic Money Trees’.

This accusation stems from the completely mistaken belief that there is only so much real money in the system – in the form of real banknotes and coins – and only hard-headed right-wingers like George Osborne understand there are no Magic Money Trees ready to produce more money to pay off the country’s debts and reduce the deficit.

But actually, it’s the Right who believe in Magic Money Trees.

Government supporters believe our NHS and public services should be cut just so we can pay non-existent money back into a banking system which really does grow fictional money from its numerous branches. Just like Magic Money Trees in fact.

The particular Magic Money Trees we’re talking about here are the ones that make up the enchanted fairy tale forest known as Fractional Reserve Banking – a system in which banks can lend money they don’t possess by creating it out of thin air – and the whole of the World’s financial system relies on it.

The eyes of those “less well-informed” people on the Right are probably already glazing over. Reality is much too complicated for them to understand. They presumably believe that when you sign a mortgage agreement with a bank, the banker goes and opens a vault full of cash and puts real pounds and coins into your bank account.

What actually happens is that the banker clicks a button on a computer screen which activates a direct line to the Magic Money Tree whose roots pass under every single branch of every bank and financial institution in the country – and the Magic Money Tree dutifully produces non-existent money which goes into your bank account.

For a really entertaining and easy explanation of how banks create money from nothing – have a look at this animation:

The Goldsmiths Tale

Most intelligent people on the Left understand all this and the reason most of them are against government austerity is because they also understand that a lot of the government’s cuts are being made in order to pay non-existent money to Magic Money Trees worshipped by governments the world over – in other words financial institutions like banks.

You see, when Barclays or Goldman Sachs executives pay themselves billions in bonuses every year, they don’t carry wheelbarrows full of cash around to their own houses and dump it in their garages alongside the Porsche and the Lamborghini.

They press another little button on their computers with a direct line to the Magic Money Tree and more non-existent money appears in their bank accounts – fictional money which nevertheless they can still use to buy their real yachts and islands and bottles of Bollinger.

So why are so many governments cutting public services to pay money – which doesn’t even exist – to Magic Money Trees?

Because it fulfils a political agenda – not a financial one. The political agenda of austerity is to reduce the welfare state, not to reduce the deficit or pay off national debt.

The UK should do what Iceland did when told to introduce austerity to keep the Magic Money Trees happy.

They told them to f*** off:

Iceland president: Let banks go bankrupt

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For more information about the Great Banking Con, see these links here:

The Goldsmith’s Tale – (full version)

Where does money comes from? … the Bears explain

The market has a name: It is Goldman Sachs

Stephen Hester, Fred Goodwin, Bernie Madoff and the fraud at the heart of our banking system

COMPREHENSIVE REFORM OF THE CITY – Pay, Practice & Structure

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Never mind a UK referendum on ceding power to Brussels. What about China?

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Everyone’s talking about how we’ve lost sovereignty to the EU and how we should have a referendum before any more powers are handed over to Brussels – but what about this government’s decision to sell off our infrastructure to foreign countries like China?

Chinese state investment and control in UK water, nuclear power, rail, gas, airports and telecommunications – or by private firms with close links to Beijing  – is already growing massively and is set to expand even more in the next couple of years as the government sells off more and more of our infrastructure to foreign investors.

The mouthpiece of China’s Communist Party – the People’s Daily – just two days ago described the country’s forthcoming investment in UK infrastructure as ‘explosive’.

See the English version of its article here:

China’s investment in UK will be ‘explosive’

Maybe you feel relaxed about the fact that a country with a disastrous record on rail safety, human rights, water pollution and communication censorship is being allowed to take control of our water, rail, communications, nuclear power etc.

But if we’re going to have a referendum on how much power the EU has over us, shouldn’t we have one over how much control of our infrastructure we’re handing to foreign countries like China?

Surely these things are much more important than whether prisoners have the right to vote or whatever the latest spat over the EU is?

What do you think?

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Here’s a related article about Chinese investment in UK water:

The government’s allowing our water, gas and electricity to be sold to the Chinese and no-one seems to be noticing

FROZEN FAIRY LIQUID

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This article was originally posted on the blog Socially Housed

fairy-liquid

I got up this morning at 6.30 am to get ready & set off to work (Job 1 of 3).

I ran around the freezing cold house (My home for 20 years, which I may lose soon as I am struggling to afford the rent), trying to get dressed as quickly as possible, as there is no heating.

This isn’t due to the timer not clicking on, or even because there is a temporary fault – This is due to the fact that living in Britain today, people like me, who work 2/3 part-time jobs, who are not “caught in the benefits trap “ completely but teeter very precariously at the edge of it; are in abject poverty.

There is no heating as there is NO Gas.

There is no gas, as after I pay my monthly £500 rent & £140 Council tax, my £60 telephone & TV, my £50 rental for the Washing machine & freezer, my £60 insurance for my (10 year old ) car, my £22 AA cover for same car (as if it breaks down, I can’t get to work), My Electric (key meter) of £20 per week. There is NOTHING left from my salary.

In fact I go into a very definite minus!

My Working Tax Credit gives me an extra £65 a month & I have Housing benefit of £18 pw (the figure above takes that into account).

I live how the Con-Dems want – I work & I have my adult children living with me, as they are not (in this governments eyes) worthy of their own properties (if they were they could start to behave like adults & be more productive members of society as they would feel a part of it, not hated by it)!

(I just want to be clear here – They CANT AFFORD the “Affordable homes”, they dont have thousands of pounds saved for deposits etc They cant afford to rent privately as Low income jobs do not pay enough). BUT They WANT TO WORK.. Let me also be clear – The UK needs Social Housing back as a basic right to people who need it! A rentable property at a sensible cost – If they had that – they could take a lower paid job, afford the rent & be productive!

Because they live with me, again I get penalised, as I have 2 adults in my home, however as they have no income, I AM RESPONSIBLE for them solely!

No Child benefit, No Single persons discounts etc for me… Someone who has working their whole life in low/middle income professions, provided for my family & am hurtling towards 50!

The above takes no account of food, heating (hence why the gas is off), clothes, toiletries, cleaning products etc etc  The list could go on.

Any way, I rushed downstairs to see if I could put the boiler on (I KNEW the Gas had run out yesterday, but call it a mothers hope ) & noticed a very sad looking – pale mossy green bottle of Fairy Liquid.

When I picked it up – I was surprised to see it had partly frozen hence the colour.

Do you know what – I cried!

BUT then Mr Cameron., I did what many many of us do.

I got ready in the freezing cold room, went in & kissed my girls, Told them not to get up till as late as they can (to keep warm) & went to work in -5 temperatures.

I do not want pity, I do not try to elicit that at all! What I want is for people to realise Benefits claimants are not all the Feckless Scroungers this government are making them out to be.

I just want to know why things like this happen?

How I can work so bloody hard & have to eat cereal daily?

I want to know how I can’t afford Christmas yet the Government (all parties & their buddies jet off to tropical climes for lavish holidays every yearpaid for by people like me?

I want to know why massive businesses don’t pay tax, yet I have money deducted every month without fail?

I want to know why me & my children are less worthy of heating & hot water than someone who is in the “elite”.

Anyway – The washing Up liquid should thaw by the time I get home.

Oh how I hope my Petrol is lasting till Friday, Or it’ll be a 7 mile walk to work in -5 by the looks of it!

On a lighter note & with some sarcasm – has anyone seen this!

Are any of these front pages really telling YOU the NEWS!

 Or are they feeding the masses the next best trick of mis-direction so we won’t see what’s coming next?

Please wake up UK – we need a change & many of us need it fast!

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You can follow the writer of this article on Twitter here or on her blog here.

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